I am so sorry but I don't like people who act like that. Who mocks other people because they think they are WAY smarter than that. Well, popular people gonna be popu. It's not like we can do something about them. To a certain person, don't worry, you won't be hassled by me blogging about you because nobody reads my blog anyway. And don't worry I am not going to  post whatever you people talked about. Like breaking up couples and stuff. No.

Anyway, I was here to post about something. But I guess I got distracted, so I forgot what I was about to do. So I will just leave it like this.

This is weird. And sort of self-degrading.

I've read this post by a certain person hiding behind a pseudonym "Paulo Reyes". This person claims to be from my batch, but whether this person is a guy or a gal is currently unknown. And whether this person is an insider is also unknown. But I would just assume that this person isn't.

Dear person, I have read your one-time post. I am saddened by the fact that you decided to waste Blogger's space just to post a single post. And it's that kind of post. I want you to know that I may agree with your descriptions of some of the girls you mentioned in your list, but I definitely don't approve of your unnecessary mention of a certain Facebook group, namely "The Paz Disciples" for that matter.

I'd like to think that you are an outsider. Otherwise, that would be a real shame.

I wouldn't waste time and thoughts to defend The Paz Disciples, because I know it's no use.

Christmas Wishlist (Part 1): Cameras and Film.

CAMERAS:

Konica-Minolta XTsi (SLR camera)

Konica-Minolta HTsi PLUS (SLR camera)

Canon 7D (DSLR camera)

Sony a-20 (DSLR camera)

Diana F+ (Lomography camera)

Holga 135BC (Lomography camera)

FILM:

I want everything in here...
 

 

 

...especially these:

...and these:

26102012

26th of October, 2012.

It's ten in the evening. It's cold. The air conditioner is cooling the room down to 17 degrees Celsius. Honestly, I can't take rooms that are this cold. But now, I don't even have a blanket.

I'm shivering like crazy. I don't even know why I'm doing this to myself. I'm not a fan of physically punishing myself-- like lashes and stuff. I guess the closest I can get is punching walls-- the pebbled (or something) ones. But now I guess I am going full retard by trying to sulk in a room that has a temperature I can't stand. How weird.

I feel cold. DUH. But not just that kind of cold. I feel like I'm a cold-hearted person, and *insert drumroll* 'nilalamig sa loob'. That's a phrase that my friends and I use if we mean that there's no one who love the person back.

Love? I don't mean that romantic love kind of thing. Just plain love. Like, how you love your kind. Or something like that. I mean like how you love a fellow human, just because he is a human. No, I did not make sense (oh well, no one reads this anyway).

Why am I trying to punish myself anyway? Right now, even I think this is a crazy idea. But I don't know, it feels as if I would die of tachycardia if I cover myself from the cold. Or I don't know, I think my anatomy concepts are twisted and mixed up right now. It's weird. I'm weird. NORMAL.

Today was crazy. Especially a certain hour this day, around after lunch. It was a fun hour. We're being hyper while in the sleepover and all. But then I guess, the fun and hyper-ness went a bit too out of hand. Here's the thing-- they wanted to screw with my Twitter. I don't mind, really, as long as they don't post any bad words. So I just let them post whatever they want, reply however they like, and say whatever.

But then after a while, I got kind of alarmed/worried, because the person they were bothering isn't replying anymore. So I had to take a look to see if everything was alright. Actually, those things they posted aren't really offensive so I was fine with it. But it just came to a point that I had a feeling that the person went off Twitter to get away from the people (who are using my account) who are bothering him .

We're not really close to begin with. We don't even talk in person. I think the only time/s I get to talk to him is when I ask him to do something. Nothing more. But despite that, I still sent a DM. And how glad I am that he was being honest in the DM.

I got the message. I cut my friends short. They diverted their attentions to other things, like movies or projects or whatever. Meanwhile, I am there, thinking about everything that was said and done. And also, I was deleting stuff so that they wouldn't appear on the persons "@Connect" tab.

I apologized. I was as sincere as I could ever get, except that I apologized through text, so the other person probably wouldn't even feel a tinge of sincerity in my apology. 

But then again, whether I get forgiven or not, it does not really make a difference, I guess. For once, we're not really friends. We do not talk much in person. If he does not forgive me, we will not talk (and possibly, I would already stop asking for favors from him -- which is sort of a bad thing if you find out what this favor is, but screw that). If he does forgive me, we will still not talk, because we're not even friends to begin with.

I can't forget one of his tweets to me. "and you allow them to =))))" LOOK THERE'S A LAUGHING EMOTICON. But no, to me, it's as if those don't exist. Or to be more precise, those symbols are just there because they were put in that tweet out of habit. Now, that phrase is like my reminder that whatever happened is all my fault. If I hadn't let them screw with my Twitter, then nothing of that sort would have happened. 

Ugh, I'm such a horrible kid.

Something is odd in the school. THERE IS NO INTERNET! That is just so sad. And what's worse, is that I think the other dorms have Internet. Meanwhile, us, we can access only Google, and its related sites [Gmail, Blogspot, etc. BUT NOT YOUTUBE.]. It's so annoying. I mean, I'm so Twitter-deprived already. And seriously, I have people who I can only talk to through Twitter ['cause, aside from that we don't really see each other that much in person, it's awkward when we do.] So, I swear, at least let me access Twitter! [Selfish request.]

[Almost] Mid-August Thoughts

Two-and-a-half months down, seven to go! Normally, by this time, we've started with the Second Quarter already. But because of the recent disasters, our schedule had been pulled back by a full week, so a lot of people are scared that they might take away our Humanities Week [I'm one of those!]. I really, honestly, hope not, because we were unfortunate enough to not have one when we were still Freshmen. I mean, that would suck if we only get to experience a Humanities Week 2 out of 4 years...

Two-and-a-half months down, seven to go! I've started filling out my De La Salle University forms [Meanwhile, my Ateneo forms are not even halfway done...], and my, it's really hard to pick a course! It's kind of like UP, because there are a lot of programs to choose from. The only difference is, this time, I came to know more about what I don't really like [Which is exactly what I put in my UP Application, so, that sucks]. Ateneo is quite different because there aren't really a lot to choose from, [but it's still hard to pick!] so I guess it's not as hard to pick. And, I would really, really want to get in a scholarship program of DLSU. If what I heard is true, then being a Star Scholar would be really, really great! I mean, we're not really that privileged, so it's not like I can actually afford to study in De La Salle without a scholarship. But if Star Scholar is too high of a goal, then I hope to get in Vaugirard, which is pretty much exclusive to people coming from Public High Schools [and, I think Pisay is one of them?].

Two-and-a-half months down, seven to go! Honestly, I think time is buzzing by too fast. Way too fast. It's just August and yet I can feel graduation coming [it's not like I'm going to graduate, but then you know, that event]. And I can already feel how much I will miss some people when I've left Pisay for good. Especially some lower years, whom I've managed to become pretty close with. Well, maybe not quite, but I can say it's somewhere on the 'Friends' level. I guess? And not just the people, but the culture in general.

Two-and-a-half months down, seven to go! I still have no progress. Before this school year started, I had a lot of plans. And I mean, A LOT. And as the school year started, and the first few days and weeks went by, more goals and plans had been added. But assessing my performance so far, I don't think I had any progress. Right now, I'm still the laziest a student and a person can get. All those goals to subtly improve on study habits? Not ticked. And another thing, I'm still not close, nor have made any new friends at all with my new classmates. I know that's weird and sad, but I know that's because I'm the most not-cool person you'll ever encounter. I mean it. And forget about being GC. I really just don't understand the lessons anymore.

And forgive me, but can I just say how disappointing GAQT is. Well, actually, just the part where we're not allowed to review the questionnaire. I might not know their reasons, but I have to respect that. I know there's a good and fair reason for that. But if I could have it my way, there's really just these two things I'd like to check out, if I get to see the exam again. One, if I got the meaning of NDRRMC correctly, and two, where did I go wrong in the Multiple Choice part. I mean, I'd just like to see the question where I got a mistake in the Multiple Choice part, and correct whatever incorrect information I had back then. 'Cause that's the only thing bothering me [about the GAQT, at least] at the moment, since I already know the correct answers for my other mistakes. And it just sucks that I rarely have a sense of being a "GC" [grade-conscious] person, and maybe you can call that an overachiever as well, and yet it has to be somewhere I could not fully access all the information. [I think that didn't make any sense] Alright, enough of GAQT.

Two-and-a-half months down, seven-and-a-half to go! Remember what Sir Martin said? Remember what Mr. Estrella (CorComm) said? And I know, I promised myself to do as much as I can to not disappoint them. But right now, it feels as if everything I'm trying to do is a deviation from what they told us to do. 

Right now, I'm still that happy-go-lucky person who cares the least about things. Which also translates to lack of self-discipline, something that Sir Martin asked of us. And though sometimes I tell the lower years what they should and shouldn't do at certain times, it's not like I do those all the time either. So much for setting a good example, right? I'm sorry, Sir Martin, if I am contributing to the causes of your disappointment. I know it will take quite a while to be able to manifest a good self-discipline, but Sir, I will see to it that, at least personally, I have fulfilled your wishes. I have stood by your standards. That I have been worthy to be placed under your authority. 

"Patunayan n'yo na karapat-dapat kayo na maging Iskolar ng Bayan!" "Pakiusap, 'wag na kayong dumagdag pa sa problema ng Pilipinas!" Those two statements of Mr. Estrella really stuck to my head. That was during an informal CAT meeting [the Friday before UPCAT], and I think it stuck mainly because those were what had been in my mind before I went to that session. I don't know how many times I've said this before, but, I'm already in Fourth Year and yet I don't feel like I've proven myself, even just a bit, to be worthy of becoming a Pisay Scholar. And that feeling sucks, you know. It feels like, all this time, I've been wasting all the time, effort, and money that the country, and my fellow countrymen had invested in me. And as I had mentioned earlier, I'm not really a person who has a good self-discipline, and so I am inclined to say that I am actually contributing to the retardation of the advancement of this country. Which is quite ironic for a Pisay scholar, who is expected to be the pioneers of this country's growth and progress. See, all the more it makes me think that up to now, I'm still not worthy of my spot in this school. 

But, Mr. Estrella, please do mark my words. You are the Corps Commander of this Batch I belong to, and as a cadet, I have to obey your orders. It might not have been a command, and you might have not taken-in command [if that's how you phrase it], but I still have the duty to follow your order. Not just because you're CorComm and I'm a cadet, but because I know that what you have told us to do is merely just a reminder of our duties that we have forgotten, if we even thought of it as duties in the first place. I might be one of those cadets who have the poorest performance in CAT, but at the end of it all, I will leave as a cadet. I will enter college as a person who came from Philippine Science High School, a school that has high standards in terms of academics and discipline. Impose whatever action you wish to take if I don't live up to my word, for even when we leave this school, I'm pretty sure that I will still look up to you as the Corps Commander of the batch I belong to.

What's really disappointing by far is that no matter how much I think I should start reforming myself, it just doesn't happen. I do try, but sooner or later, I find out that I had given up. But I really do hope that this year, with the remaining seven-and-half months, something will change. It might not be something really major, but I hope it will be concrete.

Two-and-a-half months down, seven to go! A lot of time had passed me by already, and there are still a lot to be done. No matter how much time have been wasted, I know it's still not too late. Well, I hope it really is not too late. Yet.

Just a small rant about a Tweet I saw just a while ago.

You can't do everything all at once, even if your desire to do so is great. Pinamumunuan niya ang isang komunidad, kaya mahalaga na maayos ang priorities n'ya. Sigurado naman ako na ang puso n'ya ay nasa pagtulong sa mga nasalanta ng unos. Kaso, hindi naman pwede na ialay n'ya ang lahat ng lakas n'ya para gawin iyon. Bahagi s'ya ng gobyernong hinahangad ang matiwasay na pamumuhay ng kanilang nasasakupan. Kahit na ang pagtulong ang una sa listahan ng mga kailangan niyang gawin, mayroon pa ring ibang bagay na kailangan rin pagtuunan ng pansin.

Ikaw ba, kung malagay sa posisyon n'ya, ay pipiliin mong ibigay ang iyong buong oras at itaya ang iyong kaligtasan upang pumunta sa iba't-ibang lugar para tumulong sa mga naapektuhan ng pag-ulan? O tatanggapin mo ang paanyaya ng isang palabas sa telebisyon, na ika'y makapanayam sa iyong opisina?

Timbangin natin ang mga pagpipilian:
Magpunta sa iba't-ibang lugar na iyong nasasakupan upang tumulong sa mga nasalanta:
- Personal mong makikita ang mga ngiti at hinaing ng mga tao.
- May personal satisfaction kang nakukuha sa bawa't tao / pamilyang naaabutan mo ng tulong
- Nakikita mo nang personal, at mas nararamdaman mo ang mga nasira ng bagyo, at ang mga paghihirap na dala nito sa mga tao. 
- Nadaragdagan ang mga taong tumutulong, kaya nakatitipid sa oras.
- Nakikita ng mga taong ika'y tumutulong, kaya mas tumataas ang respeto nila sa iyo
- Nakikita ng mga taong ika'y tumutulong, kaya iisipin nilang namumulitika ka lang. 
- Matataas pa rin ang baha, at hindi pa rin tumitigil ang pag-ulan at malakas ang hangin, kung kaya kung ika'y susuong sa pagtulong ay tila nailalagay rin sa panganib ang iyong kaligtasan.
- Kakainin nito ang malaking bahagi ng iyong oras, at marami ka pang ibang kinakailangang gawin.
- Hindi sapat ang isang buong araw, kahit pa hindi ka na matulog, dahil sobrang daming kailangan tulungan, at hindi naman kayang dalhin nang sabay-sabay ang lahat ng tulong na sasapat para sa lahat.
- Malaki rin ang pinag-uusapang Lungsod rito: Lungsod ng Quezon. Ito ay humigit-kumulang 64 sq. mi., na halos kasinlaki na rin ng bansang Liechtenstein sa kanluran (Europe), kung kaya maraming panahon ang kakailanganin para mapuntahan mo nang personal ang kada isang nangangailangan ng tulong.
Eh paano kung pumayag ka sa paanyayang makapanayam sa telebisyon?
- 'Pag nakita ka nila sa telebisyon ay malaki ang posibilidad na makatanggap ka ng batikos dahil ika'y pa-TV-TV lang, samantalang naghihirap ang iyong mga nasasakupan.
- Maaari ka pa rin namang lumabas at tumulong sa mga kababayan mo, nguni't hindi na ganoon ka-komprehensibo.
- Nakakatipid ka sa oras, kaya kung may iba ka pang kailangan asikasuhin ay maaari mo itong gawin.
- Sa pamamagitan ng telebisyon ay maaari kang manawagan sa mga mamamayang nanonood [at maaari ring mga taong nakatira sa ibang bansa] upang mag-abot ng tulong para sa mga nasasakupan mong tao at maging ang ibang naapektuhan ng malakas na pag-ulan sa iba't-ibang lugar.

Kung anuman ang isasagot mo, wala na akong magagawa. Pero para sa taong hindi ko nagustuhan ang Tweet kanina, sana naman sa susunod ay pag-isipan mo munang mabuti ang pagbibitiw mo ng isang statement na medyo malakas ang pagpaparatang. At sana, tayong mga Pilipino'y magkapit-bisig sa unos na dinaranas ng ating bansa sa pagkakataong ito (bilang ang pag-ulan ay nakakaapekto sa labing-isang rehiyon ng ating bansa). Huwag na nating pairalin ang crab mentality na paghila sa ibang tao pababa. 'Yung sinisiraan natin sila pagka't sila'y may naitutulong, samantalang tayo ay walang magawa. Baka gusto n'yo ring sundin ang CorComm namin sa CAT, 'wag na rin kayong dumagdag pa sa problema ng Pilipinas. [Connect? Kasi 'pag sinisiraan ang mga nagsusubok tumulong sa kanilang sari-sariling paraan, nakaka-discourage para sa karamihan. At gagawin rin nila ito sa iba. Nagkakaroon ng bad publicity / incorrect notion ang pagtulong. Mamomroblema ang gobyerno sa paghahanap ng mga taong maaaring tumulong.]

That awkward moment when you're so incapable of helping others because your resources are very limited and your geographical location worsens the situation that all you can do is follow your CAT Corps Commander when he told you to not add to the problems/burdens currently faced/carried by your country.

UPCAT 2012.

Ikalima ng Agosto, taong 2012. 6:37 ng umaga.

Matagal nang pinaghandaan ang pangyayaring ito. Kakaunti man ang personal effort ko sa paghahanda para rito, totoo rin ang sinabi ni Ate Alla (ng Batch 2011) na ang buong buhay namin sa high school ay isa na ring uri ng paghahanda para sa UPCAT. Ang pinakamabusising paghahanda para sa UPCAT.

Matagal pa bago mag-UPCAT ay marami nang kinakabahan para rito. Lalo naman sa aming paaralan, kung saan inaasahan ang "100% UPCAT passing rate." Hindi 'yan pang-endorse ng review school, Pisay 'yan. Kaya kailangan talagang galingan sa UPCAT, kundi magiging instant celebrity ka. Sikat ka kasi hindi ka pumasa.

Kung ang iba ay lubos nang kinakabahan para sa UPCAT, mas higit ang aking takot. Sila kasi, magaling na talaga, as is. Tapos, dahil kaya rin nilang magbayad, nag-review school pa sila. E paano naman ako, isa sa mga taong may pinakamabababang marka sa batch. Tapos hindi pa nag-review school. Asa na lang sa mga booklets. Kaya nga laking tuwa ko sa Batch Review sa Pisay. Kahit hindi halata, sineryoso ko naman kahit papaano 'yung review na 'yun. Wala na kasi akong ibang pwedeng asahan.

Ilang araw bago mag-UPCAT, nauso rin sa batch namin ang katagang "Tiwala". Napaka-positibo ng salitang ito, nguni't hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi nito nagagawang i-boost ang confidence ko para sa UPCAT. Pakiramdam ko talaga babagsak ako. Ang isang malaking pagkakamali ko kasi ay naglagay ako ng dalawang quota courses sa UP Diliman. Pagpasensyahan n'yo ang pagka-feeler ko.

Isang araw bago mag-umpisa ang UPCAT, pinuspos naming mag-aral sa Guidance Centre. Natitigil ito sa bawa't pagtunog ng bell, kung kailan kailangan naming pumunta sa susunod na klase, para lang malaman na wala namang klase. Kaya dali-dali kaming bumabalik sa Guidance para ipagpatuloy mag-aral. Nguni't kahit gaano pa man ka-gustong mag-aral, darating at darating rin sa puntong nakakatamad na talaga. Ngunit salamat at oras na para sa Prayer Meeting. Oras para makapag-unleash.

Unang araw ng UPCAT. Sa ikalawang araw pa ako nakatakdang kumuha ng pagsusulit, kung kaya inilaan ko ang Sabado sa pag-aaral. Oo, sabi nila na dapat akong mag-chill isang araw bago ang pagsusulit, ngunit hindi ko lang talaga magawa, hindi ko alam kung bakit. Nu'ng hapon ay pumunta ako sa bahay ng isang kaibigan na makakasabay ko pagpunta sa UP kinabukasan.

Gabi bago ang nakatakda kong schedule ng UPCAT. 20.00 pa lang, nakahiga na 'ko sa kama. Unti-unting nilalamon ng antok... Nang bumukas ang pintuan. Sinabihan kaming matulog na dahil malapit na raw mag-2100. Itinago na namin ang aming mga reviewer, at naghanda upang matulog. Subali't, kahit na grabe na ang antok ko ilang minuto ang nakararaan, tila lahat ito'y nawala at sobrang nahirapan akong matulog. As in. Tipong, hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal, pero nakatitig lang ako sa kisame, at ang mga ala-ala'y bumabalik.

Nagising ako sa pagbukas ng ilaw. Bumangon ako, dahil akala ko'y ikaapat na ng umaga. 'Yun pala, 2:40 pa lang raw. Balik sa tulog. Nagising uli ako sa pakiramdam na may tumapak sa hinihigaan ko. At 'yun, naghanda na 'ko para sa pagpunta sa UPCAT. Kaso may problema ako -- dahil sa paputol-putol na tulog, sobrang inaantok ako. Pero, bahala na.

Hinatid kami sa Testing Center. Habang naghihintay sa pila ay sinubok kong maghanap ng kakilala. Marami akong kilalang kaparehas koo ng Testing Center at parehas ng oras, pero wala akong makita kahit isa sa kanila.

6:08. Nag-umpisa na kaming papasukin sa Testing Room. Inilahad ang mga panuto, at ginawa namin ang mga ito paisa-isa. Hanggang sa wakas, 6:37 ay sinambit na ng proctor ang salitang "Begin." Ang unang bahagi ng pagsusulit ay Language Proficiency. Sa totoo lang, bahagya akong nahirapan sa parteng Ingles. Hindi naman talaga ako magaling sa Ingles, pero hindi naman ako ganoong nahirapan sa simulation o booklet. Malabo. At dahil nahirapan ako, inabot ako ng mga tatlumpu't-limang minuto para sa bahaging Ingles. At dahil limampung minuto lang ang nakalaan, labinlimang minuto lang ang oras ko para sa bahaging Pilipino. Kaya masaya ako na natapos ko ang bahaging Pilipino. :D

Hikab ako nang hikab habang pagsusulit sa Language Proficiency at Agham. Halos wala na akong naiintindihan.

7:30. Nag-umpisa sa Agham. Nanggaling ako sa Mataas na Paaralan ng Pilipinas sa Agham, nguni't alam kong hindi ganoon kaganda ang marka ko sa bahaging Agham. Ngunit kahit nahirapan ako, hindi ko pa rin nagustuhan ang "spoon-feeding" sa pagsusulit na yaon. 

[Rant: Wala naman akong natatandaan na nag-spoon-feed sa NCE (Of course my memory is faulty, but nonetheless), kaya hindi ko maatim kung bakit mayroon nito sa UPCAT. Oo, hindi patas na naituro na sa amin ang ilang mga concepts noong Ikalawa or Ikatlong Taon. Pero kaya nga nag-aaral para sa UPCAT. At UPCAT 'yun. Nakasalalay doon ang 60 % ng UPG mo. Malaking bahagdan ng pagpasok ng isang mag-aaral sa UNIBERSIDAD NG PILIPINAS ang nakasalalay sa UPCAT. Unibersidad ng Pilipinas. Kinikilalang pinakamahusay at may pinakamataas na kalidad ng edukasyon sa Pilipinas. Kaya dapat lang na maging puspusan ang gagawing pag-aaral para makapasok rito. Oo, pwedeng sabihin na "May advantage ang mga Pisay, kasi nga, Pisay sila." Pero hindi lang talaga ganoon kadali 'yun eh. Hindi naman effortless ang pagiging advanced namin sa mga aralin (kumpara sa ibang mga  pampublikong paaralan). Pinaghirapan rin 'yun. Kung ang ibang mga mag-aaral, nagpapakahirap lang mag-aral bago mag-UPCAT, ang mga Pisay, nagpapakahirap buong High School. At sa totoo lang, karamihan naman doon sa mga spoon-fed na mga tanong eh base sa mga batayang kaalaman. Kinailangan lang ng kaunting pag-isip. Ngunit dahil sa pagpapaliwanag bago ang tanong, hindi na kinailangan mag-isip ng iba. Titignan lang nila, at 'yun na ang sagot! Ipagpaumanhin n'yo po ang mga sinabi ko. Alam kong faulty at fallacious ang mga sinabi ko.]

Matematika. Sa umpisa, akala mo madali. 'Yung unang mga lima hanggang walong tanong, kaya mong sagutin gamit ang isip lamang. Ngunit paglagpas mo roon, hindi mo na kakayaning hindi magsulat. O para sa akin lang 'yun. Hindi kasi ako mahusay sa Matematika. Sana nga'y maipasa ko ang bahaging ito kahit papaano.

Reading Comprehension. Ang pinaka-paborito kong bahagi ng UPCAT. Natuwa ako na higit sa kalahati ang seleksyon sa Pilipino, tila binawi ang higit sa kalahati na bahagi ng Ingles sa Language Proficiency. Lahat ng mga seleksyon sa Pilipino ay binasa ko nang buo bago sumagot sa mga katanungan, at masasabi kong halos lahat ay nagustuhan ko. Mayroong mga komiks galing sa diyaryo, at mayroon ring galing sa librong "You Know You're a Filipino If...". Mayroon ring mga kwentong nakamumulat ng isipan sa mga usaping panlipunan. O baka ako lang 'yun, dahil inaasahan ko talagang ang tanong para sa sanaysay ay isang tanong ukol sa isang suliraning/usaping panlipunan. 

Essay. Ang una kong napansin sa papel ay dalawang tanong. Isang Ingles, isang nasa Pilipino. Natuwa ako dahil ito ang hinihiling ko para sa sanaysay -- ang makapili ako kung ako'y susulat sa Ingles o Pilipino. Bago pa basahin ang tanong ay hiniling ko na na ito'y tungkol sa kasulukyang kalagayan ng ating lipunan dito sa Maynila. O marahil sa ibang bahagi ng Pilipinas (para maging patas sa mga kumuha ng pagsusulit galing sa mga lugar na malayo sa Maynila, at posibleng nawalan na ng tiwala sa mga pangyayari rito sa kabisera ng bansa). Nguni't, laking gulat ko sa tanong na "Ano ang paborito mong gamit sa pag-aaral?" Hindi ko talaga alam kung paano ito sasagutin, kaya hindi naging maganda ang isinulat kong sanaysay. Hindi naman ako naging "sabaw" tulad ng iba, nguni't hindi rin naman talagang kaaya-ayang basahin ang gawa ko.

Mas nagulat ako nang marinig ko ang mga tanong sa sanaysay ng ibang mga batch ng pagsusulit. Alam kong ang sanaysay ay ang paraan ng UP upang makita kung gaano kataas ang leadership skills ng mag-aaral. Subali't, sa tema ng ibang sanaysay, parang hindi. Ang mga sumusunod ang mga tema ng sanaysay (hindi ang eksaktong tanong, para sa iba). 

• Sabado, umaga: Ipaliwanag, nang may kaakibat na detalye, ang bagay na madalas mong gawin. 
• Sabado, hapon: Ipakita ang pagkasunud-sunod ng mga pangyayari kung ika'y makakita ng isang alien. 
• Linggo, umaga: Ano ang paborito mong gamit sa pag-aaral? 
• Linggo, hapon: Gumawa ng isang kapani-paniwalang kasinungalingan ukol sa iyong sarili. Bigyang detalye.

Ang aking sanaysay ay isinulat ko sa wikang Pilipino. Ngunit sa kasamaang palad, ay hindi ko ito natapos. Marahil ay hindi ito mapaghahalataan ng mga magbabasa nito, ngunit para sa akin, ay hindi ito tapos. Siguro ang naging dahilan kung bakit hindi ako natapos ay ang lawak at layo ng maaaring marating ng aking sagot.

Pag-uwi ko ay nadatnan ko na ang mga kwentuhan ukol sa UPCAT, na sa kabuuan ay masayang basahin. Lalo na ang mga #RejectedUPCATEssayQuestions at ang pagtatalakayan tungkol sa mga tanong sa UPCAT. Pati na rin si Hans Tristan Anderson Yu Sykora [na si Mario Maurer + braces lang rin naman]. 

Ilusyon, atbp. Pt. 2.

First day of August.


When I woke up, the first thing I heard was a "No classes," from my dear roommate. But since I slept quite early the previous night, I just rose up from the bed and checked Twitter and Facebook groups.


It's supposed to be "Hell Week" but somehow I don't feel like it. Sure, we have more LTs this week than usual. But that's it. Last week was more of a hell week than this one. The only difference is that, we have ACET Forms due this week, and UPCAT this weekend.


Three days into the week, but we've only had one school day so far. Tuesday. And just some random fact, Tuesday is one of our two full-sched days, aside from Friday. But for some weird reason, Tuesday seemed so light. It's like, nothing much happened in class.


However, I can say there's quite a lot that happened out of class. Like for example, I somehow got confirmation about something I've been having suspicions on before. It's something concerning a conflict between a classmate and I. I think that classmate of mine dislikes me. For real. I've gotten signals before, but the proof this time is just more on synthesis of happenings. Before, he talked about this person he dislikes and he hates how that person got a higher score than him in the UPCAT Simulation (Post-Test) that our Guidance Office conducted. So then I was in the Guidance Office to check my score, then he suddenly came in to get his paper. Then he said something about me being higher than him. But the thing is, I was covering my score, that even the person I'm with didn't know what my score was. Ohh.


Anyway. There was also something else. Have I told you about me actually wishing to become Alpha. Well I'm not really that passionate about it until some people told me something about the GAQT that gave me the idea that maybe, I'm kind of close. I mean, even if I'm not in, I'm close. But that night, I decided against it, and forced myself to believe that I just heard them wrong. Which is probably good because at least, I wouldn't be thinking that maybe I'm like the 50th in the list of Alpha candidates or something. And yes, I think that realizing I have ZERO NET MERITS helped me forget all about being even close to becoming Alpha. Masyado na akong feeler.


Also, I realized this newly-found rage against someone else in my class. I mean, I used to be one of those people who are neutral about him. Then something sparked my rage against him about Reader's Theatre. I thought that was it, and that I shouldn't take Reader's Theatre out to real life. But no. He just got into my nerves a few too many times. Outside of Reader's Theatre. I really can't forget how he said "Wow, I kind of missed the space in there." Okay wait here. So I went to walk with another classmate, while discussing/reviewing for an LT. Then out of nowhere I found out that this classmate I dislike had actually joined us without me realizing it. I don't really mind. Well, at first. So then while we were walking, I had to have a quick word with another friend whom we ran into. When I rejoined my classmates, that's what this classmate I dislike said. And it's so annoying 'cause DUDE YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE WITH US IN THE FIRST PLACE AND YET YOU CAN SAY THAT. WOW, JUST WOW. And it's so funny 'cause he actually likes 2 or 3 of my friends HAHAHAHA and he's actually trying to hit on them. Just, no.


I think I should stop ranting here. But I dunno. It's like a relief to rant. But then, I can't really think of "quality posts" -> posts that actually make sense and contribute to the betterment of this country where I live in and this planet whose resources I utilize.

Dorm.

So last night, in the dorm, they announced that they'll be subjecting the laptops for safekeeping. I know they implemented this before, but that was when I'm still not concerned since I wasn't allowed to bring a laptop before.

I know it's selfish, but I can't help but not want to follow this policy. The Boys' Dorm had been strictly implementing this, so I think it's fair enough that we finally follow suit. However, I don't think that the actual policy is fair in itself. Especially that that policy was originally intended for Lower Years.

It's quite like the provision in the Dormitory Handbook, where everyone is expected to be studying from 20.00 to 10.00. Except that this one is worse. How come they're kind of similar, you ask? Because it's a way of controlling our study hours/time. That statement just now was so absurd, wasn't it? But somehow, I see it like that. And the thing is, you can't expect everyone to have the same study habits, and the same study hours. That's even more absurd than what I said just now.

And about that announcement about going back to the dorm at 17.00 to start on our requirements. And returning our laptop at 21.00.

Okay, first, let's say that we don't have to surrender our laptop just yet.

Pros:

YAY MORE SLEEP

YAY MORE TIME TO DO STUFF

YAY I CAN PLAY A BIT BEFORE STUDYING

YAY I CAN SPEND TIME WITH MY ROOMMATES 'CAUSE THEY'RE ALSO HERE
YAY GREY LIST, I CAN LURK ONLINE A BIT AND CHAT BECAUSE I HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE LIKE THAT

Cons:

OH NO I STILL HAVE FRIENDS DOWNSTAIRS, I DON'T GET TO SOCIALIZE

OH NO I HAVE TO HOLD IN MY HUNGER LATER BECAUSE I HAD TO EAT EARLY

OH NO I MIGHT PROCRASTINATE

But what about if we have to surrender our laptops at 21.00

Pros:

YAY I HAVE ABOUT FOUR HOURS TO WORK ON STUFF

YAY I HAVE GRAY LIST, I CAN TELL EVERYONE I NEED TO SAY BEFORE TOMORROW COMES

Cons:

OH NO PEOPLE PLEASE JUST TEXT ME IF SOMETHING SIGNIFICANT HAPPENS ONLINE TONIGHT, LIKE Y'KNOW, CLASS SUSPENSION OR SOMETHING REQUIREMENT

OH NO I MISSED CLUB MEETING BECAUSE I REALLY HAVE STUFF TO DO TONIGHT

OH NO IT'S LIKE 17.00 IS THE NEW CURFEW OF THE DORMERS

OH NO MY FRIENDS ARE STILL THERE BUT I HAVE TO LEAVE THEM BECAUSE OF SCHOOLWORK

OH NO I CANNOT PROCRASTINATE BECAUSE I ONLY HAVE FOUR HOURS

OH NO MY ROOMMATES TALK TO YA LATER I'VE GOT STUFF TO DO

But what about if we don't go to the dorm by 17.00, (let's say, by 18:30) and have to surrender our laptops by 21.00?

Pros:

YAY SOCIAL LIFE

YAY I ATE A BIT LATER SO I'M FULL FOR LONGER

YAY CLUB MEETING

YAY I WAS ABLE TO ASK FRIEND FOR HOMEWORK I DON'T UNDERSTAND

Cons:

OH NO I ONLY HAVE ROUGHLY TWO-AND-A-HALF HOURS TO DO STUFF

OH NO SO MUCH SCHOOLWORK

OH NO ONE-AND-A-HALF HOURS BEFORE GREY LIST DISAPPEARS

OH NO CANNOT PROCRASTINATE

OH NO GROUPMATES AREN'T ONLINE YET AND SITES ARE DISAPPEARING IN AN HOUR-AND-A-HALF

Of course, not all the Pros and Cons I put applies to everyone.

Just like I said earlier, it's an attempt to standardize the study habits of people. Which is sad for some unfortunate beings like I, because my brain does not fully function when it's still daytime. (And sometimes even early in the evening.) We're going to be pressured to do/access&print our electronic requirements within a span of a few hours, which might not really help in our studies at all. We're going to have a feeling of being pressured, (it will take up parts of our brain, whether we like it, or we like it very much), so our productivity is lessened because we are not giving the task our full attention. It's like cramming. Wait, IT IS cramming, in a sense. Well, more of like, not our usual definition of cramming.

It would really help the students if given they implement this policy, at least give us stable Internet. I mean, who can maximize their time online (in social networking sties and/or researching stuff) if the Internet goes off every 30 or so seconds and comes back when you have a certain number of attempts to re-connect to the network. Aside from our time is wasted, it really ticks the people off, having to disconnect and reconnect to the WiFi every few minutes. As I said earlier, our productivity is reduced because there's something else, aside from the requirements, going on inside of our minds.

And if you think about it, would they allow you to get your laptop back at around 2AM? Because, really, in the dorm, some still bring their study habits from home (sleep-work-sleep-work-sleep-work), and would the Dormitory address to that? No. Like my first point, it's like trying to get everyone to have the same study habits. And if ever they'll let us get our laptops back in the morning, we'll have to get it at what, six-something in the morning, when we are getting ready for school?


And probably the last issue I'll address before I end this pointless rant: THEY ARE NOT LIABLE FOR OUR LAPTOPS. Laptops (or gadgets, in general) are allowed in school, in the condition that the school is not liable for any losses or damage to the laptop (or gadget). Which will be kind of problematic if we're asked to surrender our laptops. First: what if someone breaks into wherever they keep the laptops? That kind of thinking might be "exag", but then you can never tell. It's like we thought nothing could get worse than... and then... PLEASE DON'T MIND THAT STATEMENT JUST NOW. Um, yeah, where were we? Oh. And what if they mishandle the laptops and cause some damage to it? OF COURSE THEY WON'T PAY US, I MEAN, THAT'S STUPID. They'll just say sorry and make you forget everything. [Or maybe that's just me who thinks that people can actually do that?]

June 18, 2012

Hi! No one's looking at my blog naman, so I don't think anyone would mind if I rant here. It's just that, I feel like a walking contradiction. And a walking failure, as well.

Today was just... bad. I feel like I fail at everything, and I do not even deserve to utilize this planet's resources. This country does not deserve someone as apathetic as I am. My school does not deserve someone as stupid and lazy as I am. My classmates does not deserve someone as irresponsible and boring person like how I am. My roommates do not deserve someone who's very untidy and lazy and noisy as me. My friends do not deserve to be associated with the worst person that could ever have existed.

So anyway, today, a friend and I planned to do something to get some certain people realize what's in front of them that they refuse to acknowledge. But so far, it's failing.

Also, earlier, I went to walk with another friend from the Lower Years. I was kind of quiet (WOW) at that time, and it was really awkward when she talked to her previous classmates. But it was alright, I guess, because I got to know a few new people. But while we were walking, we suddenly caught up with this other friend of hers. And since then, I just talked like a sentence or so. Then it was just them. What's worse was that I was walking in the middle of them. I think it took me around 10 minutes before I got to talk. And it wasn't to them pa.

And I'm the worst. I really didn't understand anything in school today.

But at least, HomeRoom was fun. We had a 'speed dating' kind of activity. It was Arman who asked the questions, which were not-so-harmless, but not-so-personal either. And I feel kinda accomplished because I kind of kept up being a 'gentleman'. But I have to do it properly next time!  And Mg. I really do feel like an outcast in every class I'm in. I feel like an outcast in general. Oh, how despicable I am.

I think if I were under Sir Montemayor's English class, my 'Yearbook entry' would be screwed-up, especially that I'm feeling extra heavy today. It would go like: Gillian is probably the most boring, most stupid, and most not-to-be-trusted person who ever went into Pisay. She likes messing with people who's not really that close to her, and she likes hearing stories about people -- a sign of a person with a low intellect. Apart from that, she has substandard grades and is barely making it every year. She can bore you with stories that would never fall upon your interest, and she would expect you to hear her out. She's really noisy, to the point that it's annoying.

That's a short one, but that's what I'll probably write.

Idiot.

I feel like the biggest idiot of all time.


So, earlier, I was talking to a friend who I haven't talked to for a while. After talking through some random stuff, she brought up a certain person in the conversation. Someone who I'm not really enthusiastic to talk about. So she asked if we're classmates this year, but unfortunately, we still haven't gone through enrollment procedure and so we're still clueless as to who will be in our classes next term. And I think I blew up with this statement, "I hope you're classmates next year!"


It took me a while to think of a reply, but all I came up with was a, "I hope not." I don't really know why I said that, because, honestly, I'd really, really love to be in the same class as that person. So my friend went on, "Why not? Maybe then, you could fix things up, and become friends again?" And then it hit me. I think the reason why I said, "I hope not," was because I think I know that things will not work out even if we spend a whole school year right in front of each other's faces.


Maybe you'd think that I am being too pessimistic about this. But somehow, I have a basis. Last school year, we still have some kind medium of interaction. Actually, when school just started (last year!), we still say "Hi!" or text or chat. But as the year went on, we gradually quit talking, even in that only medium for us to talk. And things got worse. We came to a point that we were "talking" again, but it's just trash talk about each other.


But, thinking about it, maybe she has a point. I remember last year, a couple of other friends said the same thing to me. They really did hope we become classmates again so we can straighten things out. It's just that, this time, I'm really scared of what might happen when we become classmates again. Last year, we weren't exactly classmates (but technically, we are, in a way), and look at what happened to us. I wonder if we see each other more often, won't we hate and get tired of each other more?


And recently, everything have turned into a complete hate against that person. But isn't that stupid? To hate someone?

I just saw something interesting over the TV. They're also simulating a sad part of our society -- protesters. No, not protesters in general. It's those protesters that go on about, shouting on the streets. While their cause is good, some of their requests are quite irrelevant. And some don't check their facts before they go on and hold demonstrations. Just a random comment. Don't shoot me.

Thoughts of an Incoming Senior student

One month from now, I'll be starting my life as a Senior student. Honestly, I have a lot of apprehensions, dreads, and fears.


What I really fear the most:
I fear that this year won't be taken to the full.


This I'll elaborate on with my next points.


I feel that this year, although I really want to, I still wouldn't be that student that is good at studying. 
I really have a lot to make up for this year. My performance last year was just so bad, I couldn't even bring myself to look at my Report Card, even if I half-don't-care. I don't know where people get that trait, but I have to be more responsible with schoolwork. I don't think it's about distractions. I think it's about the will to do it. Because in Second Year, I had the will to do things, and I get good results even if I Tumblr-Facebook-Twitter half of the time.


Probably, on my Senior Year, my social life will take a downfall.
It's not really that good to begin with, so that's no biggie. What I meant with this is that I'll probably not make that much new friends this year, as compared to what I have gained the previous year. Well, not really. Most of them are just "friends" anyway. Something in the middle of Acquaintances and Buddies, at least. But aside from that I won't make much new friends, I'm pretty sure I'll lose some friends as well. I'm way beyond annoying and so people can't stand me. Yeah.


I hope I don't jinx it, but I really, really hope I won't be classmates with certain people. Well, okay, at least just these two people. I don't think I'll be able to manage if those two will be in my class (elective is fine). 
One is an ex-friend. He broke apart the friendship for some reason I don't know. New crowd, I guess. But then suddenly he goes to me. But he's become so much worse than when we became friends, to the point that I really wouldn't want to be associated with him in any way. 
The other one is a former classmate. An ex-friend, too, I guess. Last year, it came to a point where we normally don't care about each other's existence, but when we do, we fight. Or say something negative about each other. But it's good thing we didn't really become that close before, or else it would've been worse. But what's sad is that I have a friends who wants us to be classmates again, "so that you can fix things up," they say.


I'm quite apprehensive that the curriculum might not be something I could grasp easily. Okay, I love Math. I really do. But for some reason, I don't really get the concepts so easily. What's worse is that I easily get frustrated when I don't get a grasp of things when I have to. And I'm really scared that I might not do well in something that I'm really excited to get my hands into. Ah, this is bad.


Another thing that I'm scared of as well is to find out who from our Batch have been kicked out (I hope there's none. But if I think of Ma'am Girlie's answer, I really think some people were let off). In the previous years, oddly, I didn't really give much thought to those that would be getting kicked out. Sure, I have friends who flunked a subject and have been let off. But I guess that would be because I'm sure that they will be alright wherever they move to. They still have time to adjust. I'm not saying that those who just got kicked out would have a hard time. It's just that, I think it would be quite harder to catch up when you only have a year to do so. And of course, people from this school would miss them.


I haven't even thought of which elective I should take. I wonder if this year, I'll be in one that really suits my interest. Last year's was fine. It was fun in a way. And I liked it somehow because it's the only time I can stay quiet. There weren't really much into the curriculum, and some of the activities were downright boring, but I can see out teacher's enthusiasm. It makes me feel like a really bad student. But this year, we might not have that elective. I wonder if I'll get into one that I'll survive in. I hope I do.


I don't want to leave my school. Of course, that something I can't avoid. Whether I graduate or not, I would still have to leave this school. Even when I was just a Freshie, thoughts about leaving this school just darkens the atmosphere, because it's a sad, but inevitable fact. I've created so much memories in this school that I'm scared to leave. I know that when I leave, a lot of those memories will just be forgotten (it already happens while I'm still here, what more when I leave?). And I've become too comfortable with the 45 minutes-per-class scheme that I don't think it will be easy for me to adjust to college schedule. Sure, if I get into UP Diliman, it would be just like Pisay, only bigger and with more people. But I'm still not comfortable about the  thought.


(Someone just tried to talk about "love life". I don't have one, really. It's not like someone would ever take a liking on me, right?)


These are just a few of the countless thoughts about Senior Year I have in mind. I really just hope for the best chances.

Random.


Almost a year ago, I met this dude through some mutual friends. That day, we didn't really talk, until it's around time to go home. We started talking when we were about to leave for the bus station they were going to. And we didn't really stop talking, except when we're interrupted or when they had to go already. 


I call him Kuya KK in my blog/tweets. Even sometimes when we chat. He doesn't really object 'cause he was the one who told me to think about what I would want to call him.


There was a time last year when we chattered almost every day. But we both became busy (as he has exams for University, and my school just became really stressful) so we kind of just talk through mails and sometimes text (text is really inconvenient because it's International and stuff, but it's the fastest way). I really just miss those times.


After a while of not talking... I logged on to Skype one day while waiting for a friend to go online when... Janjajaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan~ He went online. And he started the conversation, alright. (Wow, that's so much for me being really "feeling close") And my, we just had a lot of catching up to do! It was unfortunate, though, that it was quite late (around 23:00 on his clock) so we couldn't really talk for so long. But we did talk about quite a lot of things!


So finally, he passed into University. But then, he would still take an exam next year, to pass into this better University~ so basically, he's just going to spend his year studying and some small trips (again). And he was so surprised when I told him that I, in three months' time, am going to take exams for University as well. After all, we have this six-and-a-half year gap between our ages, so I can't really blame him. ^^


And oh, I really do hope he comes to the Philippines soon. Maybe sometime around UPCAT (since our Quarter Exams are going to be on the week before UPCAT). And really, I'll bring him to The Fort (so I'll be allowed) and if possible, to my school. I promised a treat, so I have to prepare. But he shan't worry, I already have my birthday gift~ I'm really looking forward to him going here pretty soon, because I really want to talk like before. Talking with awkward accents and we have to repeat almost everything twice or thrice because we couldn't understand each other.


I apologise for this post. I really just miss this dude~

Some stuff in my life right now...

So today, my parents really pressed my buttons BIG-TIME.

I'm honestly annoyed at them pushing me to apply for this Singapore study program. I mean, studying in Singapore is nice, but I've told them countless times before, I'm not really interested at the moment. I'm having enough troubles with having passing grades already, and they want me to take on a scholarship that has such high provisions? I'm not even sure if I'll pass into UP Diliman, and they're still pressing me to do this?

It would have been a bit better if they're serious about what they say that they don't mind if I fail or it's just for experience and stuff like that. They say that A LOT, I can repeat what they tell me every single time. I'm really annoyed that they tell me that a lot when I know it's not true.

How can I say it's not true, you may ask? OH I REMEMBER DURING THE PHISCI EXAMINATIONS. When I wasn't in the Official Passer's List, they -- especially my dad -- was mad. Infuriated. I almost wasn't even allowed to apply for this school where I wanted to study. Makes me mad.

And now, I have to cut this. My dad is pestering me to fill up the form that is due later and has to be directly sent to the Singaporean Ministry of Education. Smart, right? So frustrating. And annoying.


Thirtieth of April edit: Today's the cut-off the application. I've been dragged out to the Singaporean Embassy, since we have to pass my application form. I told them over and over last night: THEY HAVE TO GET IT WITHIN THIS DAY! But my dad's really stubborn. He still went (and dragged me along). I stayed far since I know what was going to happen. And it did. The security told us (well, my dad, rather) to send the documents directly to the Ministry of Education.


And then at home, my dad scolded me about it. That I didn't prioritize filling up the Application Form. I told them over and over: I DON'T WANT TO. And then he goes like, he got tired and all, and all he hears from me is that I don't really want to apply. Hullo! How many times have I repeated that statement to them? Even I can't tell! It's that much! And oh, who said that I should still push through with the application? Isn't it them? Last night, I kept on telling them: In order for me to be considered for examination, they have to get my documents by this day. But what? They still pushed for the Embassy. And now he blames me that they got tired and all? Why, doesn't he think that I got tired as well? 


I didn't want to apply in the first place. I really don't. I know people from my batch who are also going to try this out, and let me tell you -- they are really smart people. And they really want to get the chance. So I know I don't stand a chance since this program only accepts one student a year.


Ugh. This really just got into my nerves. I'm so tired of my parents forcing me what to do. Like, dorm. They ask me every year if I want to dorm. Ever since First Year, I didn't want to dorm. That's why when Third Quarter comes, I go home almost every day. Obviously, even if I didn't want to dorm, I went in. Because it's them who'll decide anyway. Seriously, why even ask?


How I wish I were in those kinds of families that are close to each other. And the parents let their kids decide on their own. 

The First, and definitely, not the best

Pardon my first post. It will probably not meet your standards.

The sad thing is, neither would the following posts will. I bet your bottom dollar that you'd quit reading through in a few moments.

I'm definitely not a writer. So I hope you don't expect much from me, as how I do not expect anyone to be reading this blog anyway. If you want quality posts, I can recommend you some. But definitely not mine.I hope that through Blogger, I'd be able to find great insights that I cannot formulate with my own mind. Fifteen years into the world and I'm already convinced that my brain is made to just accept things, and to not give a second thought. I'd make an ideal citizen, especially for those countries whose governments use brainwash in order to control their society. It is ironic, of course, that I am like this. For all I know, every single person from my school is expected to become a leader of this nation when the time comes. But dear citizens of this country who help in funding my studies, I'm sorry that I have failed you.