26th of October, 2012.
It's ten in the evening. It's cold. The air conditioner is cooling the room down to 17 degrees Celsius. Honestly, I can't take rooms that are this cold. But now, I don't even have a blanket.
I'm shivering like crazy. I don't even know why I'm doing this to myself. I'm not a fan of physically punishing myself-- like lashes and stuff. I guess the closest I can get is punching walls-- the pebbled (or something) ones. But now I guess I am going full retard by trying to sulk in a room that has a temperature I can't stand. How weird.
I feel cold. DUH. But not just that kind of cold. I feel like I'm a cold-hearted person, and *insert drumroll* 'nilalamig sa loob'. That's a phrase that my friends and I use if we mean that there's no one who love the person back.
Love? I don't mean that romantic love kind of thing. Just plain love. Like, how you love your kind. Or something like that. I mean like how you love a fellow human, just because he is a human. No, I did not make sense (oh well, no one reads this anyway).
Why am I trying to punish myself anyway? Right now, even I think this is a crazy idea. But I don't know, it feels as if I would die of tachycardia if I cover myself from the cold. Or I don't know, I think my anatomy concepts are twisted and mixed up right now. It's weird. I'm weird. NORMAL.
Today was crazy. Especially a certain hour this day, around after lunch. It was a fun hour. We're being hyper while in the sleepover and all. But then I guess, the fun and hyper-ness went a bit too out of hand. Here's the thing-- they wanted to screw with my Twitter. I don't mind, really, as long as they don't post any bad words. So I just let them post whatever they want, reply however they like, and say whatever.
But then after a while, I got kind of alarmed/worried, because the person they were bothering isn't replying anymore. So I had to take a look to see if everything was alright. Actually, those things they posted aren't really offensive so I was fine with it. But it just came to a point that I had a feeling that the person went off Twitter to get away from the people (who are using my account) who are bothering him .
We're not really close to begin with. We don't even talk in person. I think the only time/s I get to talk to him is when I ask him to do something. Nothing more. But despite that, I still sent a DM. And how glad I am that he was being honest in the DM.
I got the message. I cut my friends short. They diverted their attentions to other things, like movies or projects or whatever. Meanwhile, I am there, thinking about everything that was said and done. And also, I was deleting stuff so that they wouldn't appear on the persons "@Connect" tab.
I apologized. I was as sincere as I could ever get, except that I apologized through text, so the other person probably wouldn't even feel a tinge of sincerity in my apology.
But then again, whether I get forgiven or not, it does not really make a difference, I guess. For once, we're not really friends. We do not talk much in person. If he does not forgive me, we will not talk (and possibly, I would already stop asking for favors from him -- which is sort of a bad thing if you find out what this favor is, but screw that). If he does forgive me, we will still not talk, because we're not even friends to begin with.
I can't forget one of his tweets to me. "and you allow them to =))))" LOOK THERE'S A LAUGHING EMOTICON. But no, to me, it's as if those don't exist. Or to be more precise, those symbols are just there because they were put in that tweet out of habit. Now, that phrase is like my reminder that whatever happened is all my fault. If I hadn't let them screw with my Twitter, then nothing of that sort would have happened.
Ugh, I'm such a horrible kid.
