Idiot.

I feel like the biggest idiot of all time.


So, earlier, I was talking to a friend who I haven't talked to for a while. After talking through some random stuff, she brought up a certain person in the conversation. Someone who I'm not really enthusiastic to talk about. So she asked if we're classmates this year, but unfortunately, we still haven't gone through enrollment procedure and so we're still clueless as to who will be in our classes next term. And I think I blew up with this statement, "I hope you're classmates next year!"


It took me a while to think of a reply, but all I came up with was a, "I hope not." I don't really know why I said that, because, honestly, I'd really, really love to be in the same class as that person. So my friend went on, "Why not? Maybe then, you could fix things up, and become friends again?" And then it hit me. I think the reason why I said, "I hope not," was because I think I know that things will not work out even if we spend a whole school year right in front of each other's faces.


Maybe you'd think that I am being too pessimistic about this. But somehow, I have a basis. Last school year, we still have some kind medium of interaction. Actually, when school just started (last year!), we still say "Hi!" or text or chat. But as the year went on, we gradually quit talking, even in that only medium for us to talk. And things got worse. We came to a point that we were "talking" again, but it's just trash talk about each other.


But, thinking about it, maybe she has a point. I remember last year, a couple of other friends said the same thing to me. They really did hope we become classmates again so we can straighten things out. It's just that, this time, I'm really scared of what might happen when we become classmates again. Last year, we weren't exactly classmates (but technically, we are, in a way), and look at what happened to us. I wonder if we see each other more often, won't we hate and get tired of each other more?


And recently, everything have turned into a complete hate against that person. But isn't that stupid? To hate someone?