One month from now, I'll be starting my life as a Senior student. Honestly, I have a lot of apprehensions, dreads, and fears.
What I really fear the most:
I fear that this year won't be taken to the full.
This I'll elaborate on with my next points.
I feel that this year, although I really want to, I still wouldn't be that student that is good at studying.
I really have a lot to make up for this year. My performance last year was just so bad, I couldn't even bring myself to look at my Report Card, even if I half-don't-care. I don't know where people get that trait, but I have to be more responsible with schoolwork. I don't think it's about distractions. I think it's about the will to do it. Because in Second Year, I had the will to do things, and I get good results even if I Tumblr-Facebook-Twitter half of the time.
Probably, on my Senior Year, my social life will take a downfall.
It's not really that good to begin with, so that's no biggie. What I meant with this is that I'll probably not make that much new friends this year, as compared to what I have gained the previous year. Well, not really. Most of them are just "friends" anyway. Something in the middle of Acquaintances and Buddies, at least. But aside from that I won't make much new friends, I'm pretty sure I'll lose some friends as well. I'm way beyond annoying and so people can't stand me. Yeah.
I hope I don't jinx it, but I really, really hope I won't be classmates with certain people. Well, okay, at least just these two people. I don't think I'll be able to manage if those two will be in my class (elective is fine).
One is an ex-friend. He broke apart the friendship for some reason I don't know. New crowd, I guess. But then suddenly he goes to me. But he's become so much worse than when we became friends, to the point that I really wouldn't want to be associated with him in any way.
The other one is a former classmate. An ex-friend, too, I guess. Last year, it came to a point where we normally don't care about each other's existence, but when we do, we fight. Or say something negative about each other. But it's good thing we didn't really become that close before, or else it would've been worse. But what's sad is that I have a friends who wants us to be classmates again, "so that you can fix things up," they say.
I'm quite apprehensive that the curriculum might not be something I could grasp easily. Okay, I love Math. I really do. But for some reason, I don't really get the concepts so easily. What's worse is that I easily get frustrated when I don't get a grasp of things when I have to. And I'm really scared that I might not do well in something that I'm really excited to get my hands into. Ah, this is bad.
Another thing that I'm scared of as well is to find out who from our Batch have been kicked out (I hope there's none. But if I think of Ma'am Girlie's answer, I really think some people were let off). In the previous years, oddly, I didn't really give much thought to those that would be getting kicked out. Sure, I have friends who flunked a subject and have been let off. But I guess that would be because I'm sure that they will be alright wherever they move to. They still have time to adjust. I'm not saying that those who just got kicked out would have a hard time. It's just that, I think it would be quite harder to catch up when you only have a year to do so. And of course, people from this school would miss them.
I haven't even thought of which elective I should take. I wonder if this year, I'll be in one that really suits my interest. Last year's was fine. It was fun in a way. And I liked it somehow because it's the only time I can stay quiet. There weren't really much into the curriculum, and some of the activities were downright boring, but I can see out teacher's enthusiasm. It makes me feel like a really bad student. But this year, we might not have that elective. I wonder if I'll get into one that I'll survive in. I hope I do.
I don't want to leave my school. Of course, that something I can't avoid. Whether I graduate or not, I would still have to leave this school. Even when I was just a Freshie, thoughts about leaving this school just darkens the atmosphere, because it's a sad, but inevitable fact. I've created so much memories in this school that I'm scared to leave. I know that when I leave, a lot of those memories will just be forgotten (it already happens while I'm still here, what more when I leave?). And I've become too comfortable with the 45 minutes-per-class scheme that I don't think it will be easy for me to adjust to college schedule. Sure, if I get into UP Diliman, it would be just like Pisay, only bigger and with more people. But I'm still not comfortable about the thought.
(Someone just tried to talk about "love life". I don't have one, really. It's not like someone would ever take a liking on me, right?)
These are just a few of the countless thoughts about Senior Year I have in mind. I really just hope for the best chances.
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