Two-and-a-half months down, seven to go! Normally, by this time, we've started with the Second Quarter already. But because of the recent disasters, our schedule had been pulled back by a full week, so a lot of people are scared that they might take away our Humanities Week [I'm one of those!]. I really, honestly, hope not, because we were unfortunate enough to not have one when we were still Freshmen. I mean, that would suck if we only get to experience a Humanities Week 2 out of 4 years...
Two-and-a-half months down, seven to go! I've started filling out my De La Salle University forms [Meanwhile, my Ateneo forms are not even halfway done...], and my, it's really hard to pick a course! It's kind of like UP, because there are a lot of programs to choose from. The only difference is, this time, I came to know more about what I don't really like [Which is exactly what I put in my UP Application, so, that sucks]. Ateneo is quite different because there aren't really a lot to choose from, [but it's still hard to pick!] so I guess it's not as hard to pick. And, I would really, really want to get in a scholarship program of DLSU. If what I heard is true, then being a Star Scholar would be really, really great! I mean, we're not really that privileged, so it's not like I can actually afford to study in De La Salle without a scholarship. But if Star Scholar is too high of a goal, then I hope to get in Vaugirard, which is pretty much exclusive to people coming from Public High Schools [and, I think Pisay is one of them?].
Two-and-a-half months down, seven to go! Honestly, I think time is buzzing by too fast. Way too fast. It's just August and yet I can feel graduation coming [it's not like I'm going to graduate, but then you know, that event]. And I can already feel how much I will miss some people when I've left Pisay for good. Especially some lower years, whom I've managed to become pretty close with. Well, maybe not quite, but I can say it's somewhere on the 'Friends' level. I guess? And not just the people, but the culture in general.
Two-and-a-half months down, seven to go! I still have no progress. Before this school year started, I had a lot of plans. And I mean, A LOT. And as the school year started, and the first few days and weeks went by, more goals and plans had been added. But assessing my performance so far, I don't think I had any progress. Right now, I'm still the laziest a student and a person can get. All those goals to subtly improve on study habits? Not ticked. And another thing, I'm still not close, nor have made any new friends at all with my new classmates. I know that's weird and sad, but I know that's because I'm the most not-cool person you'll ever encounter. I mean it. And forget about being GC. I really just don't understand the lessons anymore.
And forgive me, but can I just say how disappointing GAQT is. Well, actually, just the part where we're not allowed to review the questionnaire. I might not know their reasons, but I have to respect that. I know there's a good and fair reason for that. But if I could have it my way, there's really just these two things I'd like to check out, if I get to see the exam again. One, if I got the meaning of NDRRMC correctly, and two, where did I go wrong in the Multiple Choice part. I mean, I'd just like to see the question where I got a mistake in the Multiple Choice part, and correct whatever incorrect information I had back then. 'Cause that's the only thing bothering me [about the GAQT, at least] at the moment, since I already know the correct answers for my other mistakes. And it just sucks that I rarely have a sense of being a "GC" [grade-conscious] person, and maybe you can call that an overachiever as well, and yet it has to be somewhere I could not fully access all the information. [I think that didn't make any sense] Alright, enough of GAQT.
Two-and-a-half months down, seven-and-a-half to go! Remember what Sir Martin said? Remember what Mr. Estrella (CorComm) said? And I know, I promised myself to do as much as I can to not disappoint them. But right now, it feels as if everything I'm trying to do is a deviation from what they told us to do.
Right now, I'm still that happy-go-lucky person who cares the least about things. Which also translates to lack of self-discipline, something that Sir Martin asked of us. And though sometimes I tell the lower years what they should and shouldn't do at certain times, it's not like I do those all the time either. So much for setting a good example, right? I'm sorry, Sir Martin, if I am contributing to the causes of your disappointment. I know it will take quite a while to be able to manifest a good self-discipline, but Sir, I will see to it that, at least personally, I have fulfilled your wishes. I have stood by your standards. That I have been worthy to be placed under your authority.
"Patunayan n'yo na karapat-dapat kayo na maging Iskolar ng Bayan!" "Pakiusap, 'wag na kayong dumagdag pa sa problema ng Pilipinas!" Those two statements of Mr. Estrella really stuck to my head. That was during an informal CAT meeting [the Friday before UPCAT], and I think it stuck mainly because those were what had been in my mind before I went to that session. I don't know how many times I've said this before, but, I'm already in Fourth Year and yet I don't feel like I've proven myself, even just a bit, to be worthy of becoming a Pisay Scholar. And that feeling sucks, you know. It feels like, all this time, I've been wasting all the time, effort, and money that the country, and my fellow countrymen had invested in me. And as I had mentioned earlier, I'm not really a person who has a good self-discipline, and so I am inclined to say that I am actually contributing to the retardation of the advancement of this country. Which is quite ironic for a Pisay scholar, who is expected to be the pioneers of this country's growth and progress. See, all the more it makes me think that up to now, I'm still not worthy of my spot in this school.
But, Mr. Estrella, please do mark my words. You are the Corps Commander of this Batch I belong to, and as a cadet, I have to obey your orders. It might not have been a command, and you might have not taken-in command [if that's how you phrase it], but I still have the duty to follow your order. Not just because you're CorComm and I'm a cadet, but because I know that what you have told us to do is merely just a reminder of our duties that we have forgotten, if we even thought of it as duties in the first place. I might be one of those cadets who have the poorest performance in CAT, but at the end of it all, I will leave as a cadet. I will enter college as a person who came from Philippine Science High School, a school that has high standards in terms of academics and discipline. Impose whatever action you wish to take if I don't live up to my word, for even when we leave this school, I'm pretty sure that I will still look up to you as the Corps Commander of the batch I belong to.
What's really disappointing by far is that no matter how much I think I should start reforming myself, it just doesn't happen. I do try, but sooner or later, I find out that I had given up. But I really do hope that this year, with the remaining seven-and-half months, something will change. It might not be something really major, but I hope it will be concrete.
Two-and-a-half months down, seven to go! A lot of time had passed me by already, and there are still a lot to be done. No matter how much time have been wasted, I know it's still not too late. Well, I hope it really is not too late. Yet.
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